If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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