either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Send help, water and tortillas.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
