remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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