yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
