She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
