why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
