he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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