so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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