Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
