If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
