I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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