awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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