sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
