I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
