Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this boner is exhausting
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
