I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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