She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
