just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't turn off my feet"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
