I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
