My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
