I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
