if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
