At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
