Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
