This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
