he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
