"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
