vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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