My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
