if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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