Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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