You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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