In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
