Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
