He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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