I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
