I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I will be naked everywhere
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
