It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
