so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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