My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
