I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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