Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
