Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
