Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
