if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
