Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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