lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
honey bunches of taint.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
