Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
