Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
