i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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