On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
