Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
