I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
