im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
