we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
