You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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