so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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