butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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