Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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