I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
